Author Archives: metamegan

>Shall We Play A Game?

>I’ve never had a list of things I want to accomplish without one of them having something to do with “getting in better shape”, so I am sure you won’t be surprised that MetaMegan 2.0 comes with an exercise plan. Or, the idea that an exercise plan should be developed at some point in time.

(Long boring section about how/why I never have time to exercise edited out. )

Today, I decided my best bet was to shower, get dressed for work (jeans/camisole/blouse) but throw on tennis shoes instead of heels and then take the puppy for a walk.

Where is this formerly long boring story going? It’s going on a 3.48 mile walk/jog. I’ve been contemplating walking around a big trail near our house, but I never felt like I had time to do it because I didn’t know how long it would take. Today I decided, what the hail? How long could it possibly take? Well, I knew it would take longer than I had time for, so I just decided to jog. In jeans and a blouse. No big deal, I just pretended it was the 80’s and I was Ally Sheedy jogging over to Matthew Broderick’s house in War Games. (Except I just googled “Ally Sheedy War Games” and it turns out she was wearing SWEATPANTS in the scene I was remembering. People jogged in jeans and kangaroos in the 80’s right? Or was that the 70’s?) Then I saw someone else and I thought it was my friend Jen. How embarrassing! Jen is going to make fun of me! What a relief when I figured out it wasn’t her. Except whoever it was still gave me quite a disparaging look! How dare you jog in jeans and a blouse in Boulder, CO! Haven’t you heard of Title 9, Prana, REI, Athleta, or Patagonia? What is wrong with you?!

But I did get exercise today! And a shower, and that is a rare combo. (Yeah the shower was before the exercise, but not daaaays before.)

In the end it was totally worth it because today Lucy looks like this:
Instead of this:


Or this:

>What the Hail?

>A miracle happened today: my camera, memory card, battery and laptop where all in the same place at the same time. Also, I felt like blogging. This has been a crazy year, and it’s been difficult for me to be hilarious. I do, however, have a lot of material for my tragic memoir, which by the time I write it, will be tragically hilarious. But MetaMegan has been suffering, as I am sure dedicated readers have noticed.

Enter MetaMegan 2.0. I have a lot of exciting things planned for the rest of the year. I am sure many of them will turn out to disastrously, which will make for some good blogging.

Take our impromptu Saturday night dinner party! The pizza was in the oven when lightening struck and the power went out. It came back on right away and I said to our guests, “I hope we don’t have a crazy hail storm like we did that other time you guys were here. Ha ha ha ha ha.”

After I watched the hail for a really long time, I said, “THE PIZZA!”

The pizza wasn’t burned because when the power went out the oven turned off. Sigh. I turned the oven back on and thought, “I’ll just switch the bottom pizza with the top pizza while the oven heats back up. Except the bottom pizza (barbecue chicken) had sort of expanded beyond the pan, and grew around the oven rack. So when I pulled it out, half the pizza stayed in the oven. AAAHH! Pizza Disaster! I threw the pan on the counter to try to get the rest of the pizza out and in the process knocked over my wine glass, spilling wine across the counter and down the other side. My guest took off running, I assumed to laugh in the other room so as not to be rude, but actually it was to start cleaning wine off the wall across the room.

Since the oven was so cool by now, it was easy to get the rest of the pizza out and reassemble everything with delicious results. I’m on the come back trail here!

>Potty Training

>Jack likes to use the bathroom at The Med, Murphy’s, The Rio, Coors Stadium, and other places that are not our house. (Well, our bathroom is an exciting destination at 2:00 am, or just after Jack has been put to bed.) I have a new theory on this: When we are out, it’s obvious when a family member is going to use the bathroom because they excuse themselves and leave to go to the bathroom. Jack wants to go too. At home, it’s not such a big deal, and not something Jack would notice and it isn’t so exciting that he would want to join you. This is just a theory. But I am going to suggest to the rest of my family that everyone start making a big deal out of announcing that they are going to use the bathroom. We’ll see how that goes.

But I wanted to share this: The second time I took Jack to the bathroom at Coor’s field during the Rockies game on Saturday, I covered the seat with toilet paper, took of his shorts and diaper, sat him on the pot, etc etc. Then once he was dressed I quickly went to the bathroom. This time, instead of trying to open the door and escape, Jack just hung out and waited until I was finished. And then he loudly said, “Good Job Mommy! GOOD JOB!”

>Guys

>Jack refers to Dave and Luke and I, collectively, as “guys”. As in, “Watch dis guys!” “Guys! Come here and play.”

Lately, Dave and I have been cracking up around 5:45 when Jack wakes up. After the initial round of “Mama. Mama! MAMA!” and sometimes even, “Daddy, Daddy! DADDEEEEEE!” things get interesting. Saturday morning it was, “Daddy, Mommy, Lukey, Lucy. I miss you. I miss you guys. And I love you. SUNS UP GUYS!” After we couldn’t take it anymore, Dave stuck his head into Jack’s room and told him it was too early to wake up. Jack said, “I just need my Darth Vader helmet!” (He slept in the rest of the costume) And then we didn’t hear from him for another hour.

This morning it was, “Daddy’s on FIRST BASE! And Lukey’s on SECOND BASE! And Mommy’s on THIRD BASE! And it’s Jackie’s turn to bat!” (the bases are pronounced with a very deep voice.)

Last night I went in to give him a kiss after Dave had put Jack to bed. He jumped up and said, “I have my king hat on! I have my magic boots on! I am going to take my sword and slay the dragon and the monster and save the princess! He held up one index finger, “This is the MONSTER!” and then he held up the other index finger, “This is Jackie!” And then he swirled his fingers around in the air and all over the place. “I’m skiin’ with the monster! And the monster is fast! And I am faster! And we hit the rails. And we ski everywhere.” Then he held up his two index fingers to me and said, “I’m gonna sleep wif’ dese guys. Kiss them goodnight.” So I kissed his index fingers and he laid down with his head on his pillow, and his two index fingers resting side by side on the pillow too.

Good night guys.

>More Quotes

>I recently instituted the Whine Fine. You whine, you owe me 10 cents. Lots of people on facebook had questions about how it was working, so here is the latest. Luke whined, I told him he owed me 10 cents, and he has been so polite ever since that I told him I wasn’t going to collect on it. Jack, on the other hand, pretty much has to pay for college himself based on what he owes me so far.

Today, Luke asked me if Jack also had a whine fine. I said, “Yeah, he owes me a lot of money. But it’s hard for him because he doesn’t even know what 10 cents is.”

Luke said, “10 cents is?! No wonder! He only has 5 senses.”

>Grandma’s Graham Cracker Toffee Cookies

>This month’s Martha Stewart Everyday foods had a recipe for a doctored up graham cracker that reminded me of cookies my grandma used to make. I think I had the recipe once, but I was horrified by how much butter the recipe called for, so I never made them. Or maybe I am thinking of her pita chips. Mmmmm. My grandma made me a bag of both of those treats to take in the car when I moved with Dave to Colorado almost 15 years ago, and that was the last time I ever ate them. I think they may have made it as far is Iowa, but probably not.

I wish I could link to the Martha recipe, because I am feeling too lazy to type it up, but I don’t see it on her page yet. My grandma’s recipe was butter and sugar baked into graham crackers, with chocolate chips spread over the top when they come out of the oven. Martha’s had toffee chips too, and almonds, and sea salt. I screwed up the recipe by using heath chips instead of toffee, and chocolate chips separately, but they were still really good. I am thinking of making them again, but just trying to recreate my grandma’s version. It’s going to be hard to skip the salt at the end though, I have been loving sweet desserts with a little salt lately.

>At The Park With Jack

>The other day, Jack and I walked to the park with Lucy. It was an epic adventure to say the least.

Notable quotes:

About the old Indian lady walking by in a sari: “Is that a princess?”

About the giant white dog with big pointy ears: “A BUNNY!”

When he was looking for the robin we had seen on the way to the park: “WHERE ARE YOU, ROBIN BIRDIE?”

There we a bunch of tiny cones in the grass at the park, perhaps leftover from the middle school gym class that I sometimes see there. One of the cones was laying on it’s side. Jack said, “I don’t like that cone layin’ on it’s side.” I told him he could go and fix it and he was very happy to do so.

The day before, Jack was repeatedly yelling about how he wanted something. Ice cream, maybe? We were in the car on the way home from work/school so after I told him he could have ice cream after dinner, I just started ignoring his yelling. After a while, he stopped, took a deep breath and said, “I feel impatient.”

So when the yelling started the next day on the way home…
Me: Are you feeling impatient?
Jack:No
Me: Angry?
Jack: No
Me:Upset?
Jack:No.
Me: Crabby?
Jack: Yes.

Oh, and here is a Luke quote for you.
Dave and I were discussing the Grand Canyon, and I said I didn’t want to go there until everyone was at least 12 or something because I was afraid of someone falling to their death. Dave said we wouldn’t have to worry about that if we all rode mules, and that Jack was old enough to ride a mule. I disagreed, since I had seen him fall of a tricycle twice the day before. Luke said, “Why can’t Jack ride a jack ass?”

>No One Wants To Hear About Your Little Genius

>
I doubt someone who blogged all the time about their little genius would have a large following outside of the grandparent contingent. I don’t blog about how my kids are little geniuses for that reason, and because I have a really hard time spelling genius. I really want to spell it like this: genious. But I do have to share these two little stories about how my darling, precocious two year old can read and spell.

Last week, I was changing Jack’s diaper after the usual exchange:

Jack (apropo of nothing): Momma, I’m fine.
Me: What?
Jack: I’m fine.
Me: What does that mean? You just pooped?
Jack: NO! I’M FINE!
Luke: He just said he was pooping a few minutes ago.
Jack: I’m just wet! I don’t need a diaper change.

So off we went to change his diaper, and Jack said: I pooped. P-o-p. Poop.

Yeah, I get that he spelled it wrong, but it’s pretty close right? He isn’t even two and a half! Little potty-mouthed genius.

AND – we went to my favorite place to take the kids that makes them really happy and doesn’t involve me putting on a bathing suit. Yes, Chuck E Cheese. (Or Chuckie Cheese, as Luke still insists on calling it.)

Dave worked about 20 hours straight, and fell asleep around 5am last Saturday. The boys woke up at 6:30. By 8:45 we really needed to get out of the house so I said, “I am taking you somewhere as a surprise. So get your shoes on.”
Luke: Can we guess?
Me: Yes
Luke: But don’t tell us if we guess right.
Me: Ok, I’ll just say, “Interesting suggestion”
Luke: But make sure to say that after every suggestion. Because if you just say, “No, No, No, No, Interesting suggestion” then we will know if we guessed right.
Me:…. OK

ANYWAY – You have to pass Chuck E Cheese and drive all the way around before you get there, and as we drove past, Jack said, “Hmm. Chuck E Cheese’s.”
Me: Can you read? Interesting suggestion.
Luke: He can either read or he can read minds because I was just thinking “Chuck E Cheese” right when he said it.

So, long story short, Jack can almost spell poop, and he can read Chuck E Cheese. If that doesn’t make him a genius, then I don’t even know what a genius is.

And if you are even thinking he recognized it from the mascot, let me share this detail. When he saw the singing and dancing Chuck E Cheese inside, he said, “Stomper!” And here is where I wish I could link to the hilarious story of how last August Jack was scared of/drawn to the mouse/rat mascot of the Lake Erie Crushers: Stomper. But I never got around to blogging about that. Trust me it was a good story.

When we got home from our adventure, Dave was awake, and Jack ran up to him and said, “We saw Stomper!”

So smart, that one.

>Hair Cuts

>
You may have noticed last week that Jack’s hair was getting a little Chase Crawfordy again. And I do love that look, but it was starting to get in his eyes, and half the sandbox was stored in that mop every day when I picked Jack up from daycare. Luke’s hair was also on the extremely shaggy side so Dave had a boys day out to the barber shop.

Bring on some hot weather!