Category Archives: The Dummening

>The Dummening Family Roundup

>I’ll start with a dummening story in which I am not the main character:

I was driving through the post office mail box area and the young lady in front of me had her car parked and she was standing outside of it studying each of the mailboxes for clues. After she noticed me, she sort of gave up and decided to go inside the post office for help. But on the way she passed my friendly face and turned to me for advice.

“Do you know if you can put letters to any zip code in there?”

“Yes, yes you can. Any zip code.”


***Moving on to Luke ***

Luke has been getting a different Spiderman comic book every week for about 8 weeks running. Just today I said, “Wow, are they any other types of books at the library?” And he said, “I don’t even want to read this one because Peter Parker has big earrings and looks like a girl.” Well, Luke, that is because you checked out Spidergirl.

*** Dave ***

OK, Dave is practically perfect in every way, but he got Dora the Explorer yogurt at the grocery. Dora. The. Explorer. A six year old boy cannot be caught dead with Dora yogurt. Unless that boy is faced with the option of a yogurtless lunch. I told him just to say his Dad was a big Dora fan, and he accidentally switched the yogurt. Still, packing that lunch made for a rough morning.

***Ok – I saved the best for last ***

A loaf of bread, sweet potato french fries, and corn bread have all resulted in burns to my hand, fingers and hand again, respectively. I had to take the day off from baking yesterday just to preserve my delicate skin. I guess it isn’t that funny that I can’t take something out of the oven without burning myself, so I’ll share the other dummening story.

I was bathing suit shopping on Sunday and I could mine that adventure for a weeks worth of stories, but I’ll just pick the one. I was specifically looking for tankinis and nothing was fitting right. Then I tried on one that that seemed promising because it was a little tighter. Hmm, really tight. Wouldn’t it be funny if I needed the Target changing room attendant to help me out of this thing? And by funny, I mean ohmygodiamstuckinthistankiniIcantgetitoff!!! And by tankini, I mean one piece. Hmm, I guess that explains why I couldn’t find the matching bottoms.


>Slowly, Slowly, Figuring Things Out

>Yesterday was Wednesday, and I had to pry Jack off the bookshelf. From there he moved on to Luke’s duffle bag.

(My thought process: Totally safe! He can drag it around, he can try on Luke’s basketball shoes, he can look at the bottle of water! Minutes of entertainment.)

Minutes later, he was staggering across the living room with a nalgene bottle that was 2/3 full. Very heavy, the kind of thing that would really hurt when you drop it on your foot.

(Thought process: Intervene.)

Jack indicated that he wanted to drink some of the water. I unscrewed the cap. He pretended to drink. Then he screwed the cap back on. Then he unscrewed the cap. Wash, rinse, repeat.

(Thought process: Wow, I am just sitting on the floor with Baby Jack, playing and having a good time. What a sweetheart. I just love him. He could do this for hours. I should probably check my email. If he could do this for hours, could I just get some work done? No, he’ll spill the water eventually. Could I get enough work done to make cleaning up 20 ounces of water and changing all his clothes worth it? He is so cute. Oh, let me hold it Jack. Be careful. Aww, adorable. Seriously, could I work for 5 minutes, or just throw some dishes in the dishwasher while he plays with this water bottle? Could I swoop in and catch it before the bottle spills? LIGHTBULB!!! I could pour the water out!)

I chance it and leave him with the bottle while I grab an empty one, change them out, pour out the water and give him the original bottle back.

(Thought process: Why. Did. It. Take. Me. So. Long. tofigurethisout?)

I used the remaining “Jack is busy playing with a nalgene bottle time” to put two dishes in the dishwasher. If only I had acted sooner, I could have maybe cleared off half the counter!

>Free Day

I have a nasty cold, and upon my cold I lay the blame for what happened today.

Way back last week when I had the brilliant idea to go to the zoo with the boys on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, the forecast was for 49 degrees. That seemed like perfect winter zoo weather. We’d dress warmly and check out the indoor exhibits when we were cold. So I made the announcement: We’re going to the zoo. A few days ago, the forecast was for 60 + and I thought, “Well, the crowds will be worse, but not everyone gets MLK day off.” At that point, I didn’t know it was free day at the zoo. And then someone told me, but Luke already knew the plan, and how bad could free day really be? How bad? I’ll let the google map from the car to the zoo speak for itself. (OK, instead of letting the map speak for itself, I’ll add that it was 9/10 of a mile. We walked for at least 20 minutes from the car to the zoo. We had to stop and get a drink on the way.) Oh, and what I also didn’t know until it was way too late, was that the zoo is right next to the park where the Martin Luther King Jr. rally and parade began.

So I guess only a crazy person would go to the zoo on free day, but I have to say, that even though it was insanely crowded, people were very polite and considerate. I didn’t feel the need to be mean to anyone’s kids and no one felt the need to tell me I was mean. So that was nice. And right when I started to feel the tiniest bit claustrophobic, Luke decided he wanted to leave.

Of course it was at least an hour and a half before we were back at the car, but we had a fun day.

>Nature V. Nurture

>Dave and I were discussing Nature vs. Nurture at dinner last night (probably in regards to our awesome parenting and how much it impacts our perfect children.) But with your biological children, does it matter what comes from your genes and what comes from your environment and actions? What’s the diff? Who cares? And if something is not a genetic trait, but a learned behavior, does that mean it can be unlearned? Or relearned for the better?

I guess what I mean is, can people change?

The reason I ask is that Luke could not find his shoes this morning and it upset the delicate balance that allows us to get out of the house somewhere within an hour of on time without screaming, crying, or shaking our fists at the gods. Meetings were almost missed, bottles were forgotten, tears were shed. Luke’s shoes were right by the front door. I have to feel a little sorry for the kid because he seems to have my tendency to lose things, combined with Dave’s inability to look for and find things. Is the inability to look for and find things a genetic trait? Possibly on the y chromosome? Do I lose things because I need to scale back from ubertasking to mere multitasking?

This week I had to borrow Dave’s keys, mine were later found in a breast pump compartment. I went to physical therapy for my knee and couldn’t find my insurance card. I was sure it was on my desk, but it turned out to be in my wallet after all. It is time for a change. I don’t care if my very mitochondrial DNA insists that I lose things, I am going to try to keep track, and I am going to try to help Luke do the same. Wish me luck!

>Milestone Miscellaneous

> Since I am sure no one wants to hear the milk and bottle disaster from this morning, I am just going to skip over it. Have you ever smelled milk and thought maybe it’s bad, but I should taste it just to be sure? Isn’t that dumb?

In other news, I wanted to post this picture because it’s what inspired me to write all about Jack’s new milestones. But I forgot to include the picture, and the fact that he had his first bath in the real tub. Yea! And you can almost see his two new teeth here, which I also forgot to include in the milestone announcement. Speaking of milestones, we are rapidly approaching my 100th post. V. exciting. Also, it’s almost the 19th of July, which I haven’t quite turned into a holiday where people send me gifts, but I always get good wishes on that day. More on that later. So I was thinking of having a joint 19th of July, 100th post celebration, where I encourage people to post a comment and then I randomly pick a winner and send them a prize. The prize is to be determined, but I welcome suggestions. One very talented, funny, and famous blogger recently gave away 5 wii+wii sports to random commenters and she got 42000 comments. Nintendo hasn’t offered me anything yet, so my prize would probably be something lying around the house that I don’t want anymore. Or something I could send through the internets without having to do anything more strenuous than get my credit card out of my wallet. Assuming I can find my wallet and that my credit card is in there. Hopefully no one in my family will include in their comment that it takes me months to get to the post office. I only wish I had bought some kitschy trinkets in Hot Springs. Stay tuned and plan to comment on the 19th of July!

>B is for Bowling


Most people already know this, but just to get everyone up to speed, I am sort of type A, and I used to be obsessed with my GPA. When I was in school, that is. I don’t care about it now, obviously. Or maybe not so obviously since that is what I am writing about. But back to high school. I am not going to put any dates on in, but I can guarantee this: when I was a junior in high school, and our gym class was held at the local bowling alley, Rob Base was definitely playing on the radio. (Parenting Aside: We went through a long phase of counting to 3 to give Luke a chance to follow orders without getting a time out. Once I couldn’t stop myself from following “1, 2, 3” with “get loose now.” Luke cried and said, “‘ ‘Cept I don’t want to get loose.” ANYWAY, I was not very good at bowling. And by “was” I mean, “as recently as two months ago, I took Luke bowling and got the bumpers for both of us, and he beat me.” In high school I was even worse. In order to get an A in bowling you had to bowl 100. It quickly became apparent that I would not be bowling 100. What to do? Was I to get a B for the first time since grades were invented? A B? In bowling? Well, there were easy two options for getting an A. The first would be to cheat and give myself a score of 100. Aside from the moral and ethical dilemma of debasing myself by cheating at bowling, there is a slight problem that I have with arithmetic. Geometry? No problem! Algebra? Calculus? I love you! Arithmetic? Hmm, not so much. I am not sure that I had both the understanding of how to keep score and the ability to make the numbers add up to something resembling 101. In retrospect, it is entirely possible that I was bowling A caliber frames, but not adding up the score correctly. But based on my scores at forced, work-related team functions over the years, that’s probably not the case. But I digress, I would never cheat, especially not at bowling. That left me with option 2: Bowl during my free time and bring in my score sheet for extra credit. Almost as bad as cheating, was having to bowl a terrible game in my free time and then turn the results in for extra credit. I have done many extra credit, brown nosing projects over the years, (I wrote a paper on the catalytic converter before I switched majors from engineering to the more employable field of botany) but I couldn’t make myself be a big enough geek. Sure, my friends would have been happy to go bowling with me! Sure, I told my parents I was bowling half the time anyway! (Hi Mom and Dad!). But I had to draw the line somewhere. I had to take a stand and plan to enter my senior year without a 4.0 in order to relieve to pressure and survive. I didn’t cheat, I didn’t do extra credit, I got a B and it was the healthiest thing I could have done.The point of this story is that in my first two games of wii bowling, I bowled a 144 and a 177, beating everyone. Because I am awesome at wii bowling. Or everyone else is really bad. But probably because I am awesome. I stole the picture from here.

>Wednesday Casual Picnic at the Park

>We usually picnic on Wednesdays, and today is Wednesday. As usual, I tried to make things as complicated as possible. Hazel Miller was playing at the Bands on the Bricks, and I needed tomatoes for dinner tomorrow, so I figured, “Why not go to the farmers market, get some tomatoes, have a picnic and then watch a band?” And “why not take the kids there on the bus, and have Dave meet us there?” I packed the stroller, the diaper bag, a bag for the tomatoes, the sling, (so I could carry Jack while getting on the bus with Luke and the stroller and the diaper bag), and then I decided there was no way I could carry a picnic too. It’s actually a small miracle that I was able to realize my limitations so clearly. Anywho, I drove to the daycare and we took the bus downtown. Dave met us there, I bought tomatoes, the best cherries ever, and a basil plant to replace my latest disappeared zucchini plant. I have officially given up on zucchini. You win, rodent! (Shaking fist at rodent!) Then we ate dinner, and listened to two songs before we headed home. Dave and Luke biked home and Jack and I took the bus. At first it was all I could do to distract Jack from playing with the wheels of the stroller. Then he noticed the leaves of the basil plant. Then it was all I could do to distract him from the leaves of the basil plant. Now, Jack was in the sling on my hip, and I was sort of holding the bag with the basil plant, and sort of holding the stroller. So it was a difficult balancing act to distract Jack from one with the other, just in time to keep him from eating either. Then he realized, “Hey, I can reach both of these!”

Speaking of how I like to make things complicated, I have friends who have the cutest picture of their soon to be 8 year old, when he was 6 months old. It was a naked baby on his tummy, on some sort of rug or something. Cute. So I thought, hey, Jack just had a bath, he is the cutest thing ever, I’m on vacation at a hotel, where a naked baby photo is less risky from a pee perspective, why not try to see what kind of adorable photo I can take?

Let’s just say I haven’t purchased a frame yet.

And now, to get that image out of your mind, here is Jack in his slip ‘n slide debut:

Oh, and I sort of forgot to get off the bus at the daycare and rode it all the way home instead. So I guess I’ll pick up the car tomorrow.