Many, many years ago, I was a joint for Halloween, and my friend Joanne was Mimi from the Drew Carey show. We went to a party and there were a lot of Victoria Secret Angels there. The next year, Dave was Fidel Castro and I was Elian Gonzalez. My costume was just my terrible short boy hair cut, a disney shirt and a life vest. At the party that year, there was a sexy nurse, a sexy kitten, Pamela Anderson, and a Hooters Girl. The Hooters Girl was actually a man at least. The following year, I finally gave up and went as slutty Catholic School girl. If you can’t beat them, join them, etc etc. Especially before you have kids and you still fit into your grade school uniform. You can read a million blog posts about the slutification of Halloween, and a million facebook posts from moms of girls who couldn’t find a decent costume for their daughters, but I think the pendulum is starting to swing away from slutty and go back over to scary.
I was feeling particularly lazy this month, and I decided my costume, if I ever came up with an idea, should just be comfortable. We have been watching The Walking Dead, and we love the movie Zombieland (double tap) so I figured Dave and I were going to be Zombies. (Zombie is the new black.) But I wanted to mix it up a bit somehow. Like, Zombie Pioneer Woman, Zombie Catholic Schoolgirl, Zombie Mad Scientist. Then I thought, Mad Scientist would require less effort and makeup. I gave myself very aggressive angry eyebrows, put on a lab coat and goggles. That seemed a little lame, so I threw on my blond wig, and my striped tights. The goggles were annoying so I took them off. Then I thought! Witch Doctor! I made a tiny witch hat and pinned it to my head and put a stethoscope around my neck. Comments from my family before we left the house: You should just be a mad scientist. Your eyebrows are scaring me. You can’t tell that is a witch’s hat. My response: I don’t care.
But it was interesting because people couldn’t really figure out what I was, and I blame the years of slutty costumes. Most people guessed, “Some kind of nurse….” and the subtext was, “slutty nurse: yer doing it rong.” But my deviled egg costume from the year before prepared me for an evening where no one could guess my costume, so I didn’t care.