>Panic Attack Magazine: November

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Welcome to my new monthly feature, in which I mock Parents magazine and the ways it increases (my) parental anxiety. I know it means well. But does it go too far? You be the judge. Well, actually I’ll be the judge, and I already know that the magazine makes me crazy. Guilty! Last month I learned what to do if I drive off a road and my car becomes submerged under water, and I’ve already forgotten what I learned, not that I will ever need it. (I’m talking to you, Mom.)

This month in The OMG! Guide to Parenting Disasters: What to do when when your baby gets his/her head stuck in the lions cage at the zoo. Seriously. Sadly, with each day that passes, I realize that I do in fact have a child who will get their head stuck in the lions cage. In fact, days after reading this article, Jack get his arm stuck in the grate over the window well.

I thought, “AHH! OMG! Parenting Disaster! What do I do? Panic, panic, panic. No, don’t panic. I read that article. And I think it said not to panic.”

And Dave said, “You need to calm down.”

And I said, “Actually I know what to do, because I read that article. I am not panicking.”

And Dave said, “Pull his arm out.”

And I did. So I think the article was, in fact, not helpful because all I could do was picture the approaching lion and realize I didn’t remember anything from the article. (Confession – I may have just looked at the pictures.)

So, I was relating this story at work, and going on and on about Parents Magazine and how weird it is that I suddenly have a subscription, and my good friend and fellow lactator, Carolyn, said, “Yeah. Best five bucks I have ever spent.” Thanks a lot Carolyn!

(Now if we could just figure out who subscribed Dave to Men’s Health and Prevention…)

Photo Credit: Parents.com

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10 thoughts on “>Panic Attack Magazine: November

  1. Mare

    >Um, Megan? Can I point out of all the zoos I’ve been to in the last, say, 48 years, I’ve never come close to the lion’s cage because 1. they are behind 10,000 layers of glass or 2. they are in open air enclosures with huge moats (cleverly hidden or not) around them.I am much more afraid of the hitting and pinching that goes on between the girls. πŸ˜‰

  2. Anonymous

    >Uh, Megan. I concur wiht Mare and would go further to point out that you don’t need a magazine to remind you act instinctively. By the way, it gets easier. Any bets on the Broncos / Browns game tonight???

  3. molly

    >Uh Meg, To cut down on anxiety, don’t drive on the edge of a sharp precipice next to a raging river AND don’t get too close to the lion. Love ya! Mom

  4. Meta Megan

    >Okaaay – Now I am having a mild panic attack that I am not as funny as I think I am! Didn’t my sarcasm come across here? Also – I can’t predict who is going to win tonight because I would normally say broncos but they have been sooo bad.

  5. Anonymous

    >The game and the season are now over for the Browns. I forgot the first rule of a Cleveland fan. I got my hopes up only to have them dashed like waves on the beach. YOu think you had a panic attack. This is two games in a row that the Browns (Clowns) have squandered a double digit lead late in the second half. A typical result for a cleveland fan…… #$%^ *&^% ##$%%^^^&!!!!

  6. Anonymous

    >Merry Christmas, I just signed you up for Ladies Home Journal so you can be afraid of crime, varicose veins, counterfeit prescription drugs and get many chocolate brownie recipes.

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