Category Archives: Working Mom

>The Barbie Chronicles

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If you are not friends with me on facebook, then you do not know about my alter ego, Computer Engineer Barbie. She has lots of adventures. Like, starting longingly out the window on a sunny Saturday while she tries to finish up a 60 hour work bender. Computer Engineer Barbie, or CEB, hasn’t been this tired since she had a 2 day old baby.

>It’s Almost Alice Cooper Time

>The countdown to the end of school is in full swing and we are all singing our favorite song: School’s Out. Last year Luke was a precious first grader, who loved his teacher, so he was very unhappy about blowing the school to pieces, and teacher’s dirty looks. Unfortunately, it’s such a catchy tune, that it’s really hard not to sing the refrain all morning before the last day of school. We tried to modify it a bit, but I can’t remember what we came up with and I am too lazy/multi-taskery to look and see if I blogged about this last year.

But now that Luke is a too cool for school second grader, going on third grader in 5 days, he started the whole thing with a little Alice Cooper sing along before bed. Or maybe I started it. Regardless, I was very interested to hear what he had to say after, “I’ll modify this song so it’s more appropriate for me.”

School’s out for summer.
School’s out for evah!
School’s been blown to pieces.
No more pencils
Lots more books

Sigh. I just love my little bookworm.

On that note, did I mention that I updated the list of books read? (See above re: too lazy to look at yesterday’s post.) Hopefully Luke and I will spend the whole summer reading, if I survive this weekend.

>Computer Engineer Barbie

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Computer Engineer Barbie and I worked about 40 hours over Easter weekend. Today, she is trying out the new “standing desk” craze that she’s been reading about. I am sitting on my bottom and thinking of new career options. Pizza chef, perhaps?

>MetaMultiTasking

>Sunday afternoon I was making a leisurely, pre-Thanksgiving trip to the grocery store, forgetting things, getting stuff that wasn’t on the list, back-tracking, breaking into a sweat, you know, the usual.

Then I made the mistake of turning on my phone to see what time it was while I waited in the interminable line at the deli for my 10 slices of stuffing-destined prosciutto. And what happened? I read a txt from Dave that said I needed to hurry home so one of us could pick Luke up from a birthday party, and that also, work was calling me.

Cue extreme panic attack. OMG! I was at the grocery and my phone died. PEOPLE AT WORK NEEDED ME ON A SUNDAY AND I WASNT AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY. I decided to forget the rest of the list and get home as fast as possible. Also, Luke needed to be picked up.

So I drove home, honked the horn, Dave ran out to drive off to get Luke while I dragged the groceries in the house. I called my co-worker, got the scoop, and started unloading groceries, and logging in at the same time. And because I think I am awesome at multi-tasking, I also started composing my blog post about the whole thing. “Look at me! I can put all the groceries away in the time it takes to login to my work computer! Look at me, bringing home the bacon, frying it up in a pan and tossing off bon mots all the while!”

If my camera wasn’t broken, I would have the picture that captured my (slight lack of) success. And that picture would have been taken 2 hours later, work problem still not solved, and it would be a picture of a pile of lonely groceries on the floor in the kitchen.

>File Under: Tragic. Cross Reference: Time to Job Search

>This blogging once a day thing is going to be more difficult than I thought since, not only can I not take pictures, but I can’t get current pictures off my camera. Yea me!

So onward to misc. Jack news: Jack can recite a poem. Adorable. No video due to the camera situation, but maybe he’ll do it over the phone if you call. See how I stopped pretending that anyone besides grandparents are reading this?

Umm. In other news, all I do is work. I really need to remember what my hobbies are and become too busy to do anything but have a life, and write a blog about it.

Today my work strategy was to wear a lot of eye makeup. The plan was two-fold. 1.) It was a great way to procrastinate. 2.) Less chance I would get really mad and start crying.

>The Unbearable Lightness of Being MetaMegan

>Embarrassing things I have done or said at work:

This attempt to end my work related blog writers block is brought to you by my dad who says, “Laugh at yourself or spend your whole life crying.”

1.) It was possibly my first meeting at a new job, and I hadn’t met everyone on my team yet. One team member was giving a little presentation on some of the reports he had written to help us manage our databases. He meant to give a little background and then run the report to show the results, but he ran the report right away and said, “Oops, sorry. That report was prematurely generated.” I laughed, looked around, realized no one else laughed, remembered that I am extremely immature, and tried to stop laughing, because it felt inappropriate. And what’s funnier than extremely inappropriate laughter? Nothing. Well, aside from someone that can’t stop laughing, but is trying to hide it. I spent the rest of the meeting silently weeping as I tried not to laugh. I don’t work there anymore.

2.) OK, same job, some person even. I walked by the guy’s new office, and there was giant coffee stain on the wall. I said, “Oh my God it looks like…” And then I realized that what I was about to say was, “you peed on your wall.” Rorschach test much? Who thinks and then says something like that? So instead of coming up with something clever like, “It looks like… you should hang a poster over that stain.” I just started laughing. Then crying. Then silently weeping at my desk because really – what was I going to say at that point? Once I gathered myself together enough to talk, how was I to explain what was so funny? I basically said, “It looks like you peed on your wall.” And the crowd that had gathered just slowly backed away.

3.) Most facebook and other friends have probably already heard this one, but it needs to be told again. Have you ever worked in an office in the summer? And are you also a woman? Then you know that no matter what you wear, you are either going to melt outside, or freeze to death inside. So the day that it was 80 inside our office was probably the most pleasant office day I have every experienced. I was dressed for the weather I ridden my bike through to get to work. And I wasn’t freezing as I discussed the weather at my friends desk. We both agreed the day was perfect. And just then, we were interrupted by another co-worker who came by to accuse Laura of messing with the thermostat and causing him to be terribly uncomfortable. “IT’s so HOT!” he said. The gentleman in question was wearing khaki pants, a khaki shirt, and khaki hiking boots. Laura sent him to his desk with a thermometer so he could see that perhaps he was imagining the level of the office temperature. While he was gone, remarks were made that perhaps it was his desert storm themed ensemble that was to blame for his assessment of the temperature. I was annoyed. Way to much khaki for my delicate sensibilities. Plus, why should I be cold all the time?

He came back with the temperature and announced that it was in fact 80 degrees. And, “It’s way too hot in here.”

I replied, “THEN UNZIP YOUR PANTS!!!”

Because, you know, what is the f’ing point of khaki pants that zip into shorts if you are going to just wear pants and complain about the heat? I realized it was sort of awkward that I had said, “Unzip your pants” to a co-worker so I started to try to find a way to explain that I meant, unzip the part of your pants that will turn your pants into shorts without betraying that I find those kinds of pants horribly unfashionable and work inappropriate. But that line of thinking was rendered irrelevant when I realized he was not wearing pants that unzip into shorts. At all. Just regular khaki pants.

“I meant..” (commence laugh crying. Hysterical, horrified, laugh crying.) I sort of blacked out for a bit, but I know I made it back to my desk, and that I did actually sob a few times on the way there.

It was very cathartic. And I couldn’t help thinking of Daniel Day Lewis saying, “Take off your clothes” in The Unbearable Lightness of Being and how I am nothing like that character at all, but it makes for a good blog post title.

>What Do You Think Of This

>If you were in a training class and you asked a question, and the trainer told the following anecdote before answering your question… What would you think?

“I teach a lot of classes around the world, and I taught a class once in Egypt, and in Egypt they have a hierarchy about who is allowed to ask questions, and in what order. It wasn’t obvious to me what the order was but everyone in the class knew it. So everyone takes their turn asking their questions when the more important, or senior people ask their questions. Then the last person that gets to ask a question is the woman.”

So, what do you think?

>Parenting, Glamorously

>You may be wondering why I am getting parenting advice from Glamour magazine. I wasn’t actually so sure myself when I wrote that post yesterday. But as all MetaMegan readers know, I have a magazine addiction. Sadly, Blueprint, Domino, Wondertime, and Cookie have all gone out of business in the last year or so. And as each one went out of business while I still had a lifetime left on my subscription, they converted into Glamour subscriptions. So now I am subscribed to Glamour for 4 lifetimes.

Why am I not getting parenting advice from Parents? Because that subscription has lapsed. It was with a tinge of regret that I recycled 6 months of issues without ever making fun of a single one. But faithful reader, and good friend Laura made sure to rip out an article for me about the dangers of the cocktail playdate. I am just going to assume that was geared towards stay at home moms who start drinking at 10am and not for the “glass of wine at little league” types. I think the gist of the article was getting drunk while you watch your children is bad!!! Sorry to say that when I tried to refer to the article today, (aka read if for the first time) it appeared to have been stolen with my wallet a few months ago. Google was no help either – just a bunch of people who have already written about how stupid the article was or else how having one drink will cause your kids to stick their finger in an electric socket.

So, we are stuck with Glamour, where I can learn to embrace the chaos as well as um, whatever else in is that magazine.

>Bookin’ All Over Town

>You can thank me later about the many times I started this blog post only to realize that the extremely long intro about the thousand things that were stressing me out yesterday and the many different plans I came up with to deal with them were actually quite boring and made me look crazy.

Suffice it to say, I felt stressed, and instead of taking the dumb, complicated, stressful path through my evening, I decided to take the easy, simple, stress free way. This is pretty much a first for me. In fact, I was recently reading Glamour magazines tips on not being a stressed out working mother and one of them was to embrace the chaos. So I was trying to embrace chaos while simultaneously not creating more chaos when things got chaotic yesterday.

Baseball season is upon us, and Dave picked up Luke for practice and the game. I figured I had time to pick up Jack, go to the library, pick up a few things at the grocery store and make it in time for the first pitch. (And yes, this was the simple version of my evening.)

Jack was adorable at the library. A mom to a teenager was just looking at Jack and I with fond memories spilling out of her smile and all over the books. We picked up my two books, and Jack picked out two books for himself. We checked out, got in the car, I handed Jack one of the books, then headed to the grocery store on the other side of the divided road. There was a loud noise, and Jack said, “What dat noise?” He doesn’t like loud noises. I said, “It’s just that water bottle rolling around in the back of the car.”

Jack: Nope. Dem books.
Me: No, water bottle.
Jack: Books
Me: Did you drop your book honey?
Jack: Nope.
Me: THE BOOKS WERE ON TOP OF THE CAR! Did you see them fall off?
Jack: Yes.

Then I tried to figure out what to do. Make a u-turn, then another u-turn to get back to where it happened? How long will that take? Pull over right here? Nowhere to park! Pull over on this side street? Too late I am about to make a u-turn! The books! Pull over, and park! Go back! MY god! U-turn!

I finally decided my best option was to just part at the next side street and walk back. This was dumb, because if I had driven back via the 2 u-turns, I could have parked at the library, and the books would have been in the street right in front of the parking lot. Instead I had to walk/run two frantic blocks with Jack on my hip. As we got closer, I could see the books repeatedly getting run over. But they seemed fine when the traffic cleared and we picked them up. Both of them. Of course, there were three missing books. So on the walk back, there was a lot of, “We lost one book? It gone? It on toppa car still? It gone?”

The third book was still on top of the car. I guess all the frantic swerving I did while trying to decide which way to go kept it sort of centered.

We got in the car and headed to the grocery and I took some cleansing breaths. Jack didn’t like the sound of that. He said, “You scared to me.” Which either means I was scaring him, or I am scared of him, or I sounded scared to him.”

We finally made it to baseball about half an hour into an hour game, and I got to see Luke play catcher and make a nice hit before Jack and I needed to head to the playground. I also got to enjoy a delicious glass of wine from a plastic cup, which I then stashed in my purse pocket. While I socialized with the other moms I tried to share the Glamour tidbit about embracing the chaos. This question was asked: HOW? I’ll need to go back to the article, but I don’t think it said how.

Jack and I were “driving” at the top of the playground structure when the cup fell out of my purse and all the way to the ground. Jack said, “Momma! Why you pourin’ your wine out on the ground?” Maybe you heard him, he said it really loudly.

I may have made a lot of mistakes yesterday, but spilling wine was not one of them. Maybe that’s how it’s done. Embracing chaos: One plastic cup of wine at a time.