Author Archives: metamegan

I WANT TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE CAKE

Jack yelled “I WANT TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE CAKE!”  during a fit yesterday.  I took a moment to savor the fact that I have reached the stage of my life where I am in charge of the cake.  It’s a good place to be.  Except when 3 year olds are freaking out about it.  But even then, life is good.

I shared the story with a co-worker and he reminded me of this gem, The God of Cake.

Dave’s birthday cake was The Strawberry Margarita Cake from Kim and Jakes.   It was either incredibly moist, or slightly undercooked.  (Dave votes for undercooked and he let me eat the last piece, so…)  The jury is still out, but didn’t concern ourselves with details.  It was very pretty, a little too bitter for me the first day, but it tasted better as the days went on.  Odd that it lasted so many days, I guess.

A Perfect Storm

Lest you think my beach pictures paint a less than rosy picture  due to my hipstamatic filter (Laura), I give you the above, undoctored photo.  The sea was angry that day, my friends, etc.

But here is some exciting news!  I was planning to get back into blogging this month in honor of the Fourth Annual July Commenting month.  And what better way to generate comments, than to post everyday?  And the NaBloPoMo theme for July is “swim”.  Day 1, done.  And the prize for the best title to yesterday’s picture is that I will work the winner into a short story that I post one day this month.  Then I will submit that post to Blogher and possibly get featured there, and paid $50, and become famous.

Perfect storm people, perfect storm.

Details:

Comment on yesterday’s post with a title for the picture.   If you win, I’ll dedicate my horror movie style short story/post to you.  (Winner chosen not at all randomly by me.)

July Commenting Month:  For every comment during the month of July, you get one entry in the comment contest.  The name is drawn out of a hat, by Luke.  Past winners have won a book store gift certificate, a coffee mug, and chocolate.  I usually buy the prize on my vacation, so it is still TBD.

Welcome to July!

>Extreme Make Over – Blog Edition

>I have a high school reunion that is just around the corner, and I had a 6 month plan to become fabulous before the big night. This plan mostly involved joining a gym and dragging myself there 3 times a week for the past 6 months. And I got my hair cut.

Zzzz. Oh, sorry, I was so bored I fell asleep. See also: tired from the gym.

But I decided to take a break from my constant self improvement plans to work on something else! A blog improvement plan. I thought I would start off first by blogging a lot, but then I thought, that’s way too logical. First, I am going redo the whole blog, and THEN I will start blogging all the time. I’m in a hurry though because July is commenting month, and I need to have everything in place for all my awesome commentors. (Hi Laura(s)!)

First point of order:
Should I…
a.) Keep my current wonder woman graphic that I stole from the internet and cropped down to a smaller size. (Pro: Cute. Con:Stolen.)
b.) Use my facebook profile pic – (Pro: Cute, sort of anonymous, free advertizing for Jill since she took the picture. Con: Jack is in it. Would I crop him out, or photoshop Luke in?)
c.) Get someone to create a metamegan/wonderwoman one of a kind graphic. (Pro: Cute! Con: Who would do it?)
d.) Use a picture of myself as wonder woman? (Pro:Cute! Con: Horrifying if I become famous and everyone in the world sees it.)
e.) Other

Please leave your suggestion in the comments. Ha! Comment month is starting early!!!

>Advice

>I was really impressing myself on Sunday during my Target shopping trip with the advice I was giving myself, and since then.

1.) If all the cute dresses at target make you look like a giant whale wrapped in a tablecloth, consider purchasing cute workout gear instead.
2.) Don’t try on dresses at Target, you have a job, shop somewhere fancier. You don’t have time to go anywhere fancier, but that is a different story.
3.) If you buy darling new short workout shorts, just know that the day you wear them will be the day you are holding an exercise ball between your legs and waving your legs over your head. With a partner.

And now for some dubious advice from Jack:
1.) You don’t need to wash your hands before you eat if you are eating outside.
2.) You should always wash your hands after you pick your nose.

This is all leading up to a money making idea that I had where I give awesome advice, but I am secretly a shill. I say, “You sound stressed. I find that a great way to relax is to build a photo book on shutterfly.” Then I link to shutterfly. Ka-ching! Ad revenue.

I partially got this idea while brainstorming with my friend Laura (or one of my friends named Laura, as another friend named Laura pointed out). We thought maybe we could become nutritionists, or more realistically, quacks, and open a business where we tell people what to eat. She suggests “steamers” (Ka-ching!) I think steamers just increase the chance of running into work-weirdos in line at the microwave. I suggest biking to Whole foods for a salad. (Ka-ching! Ka-Ching!) I think conflicting advice will bring in the most ad revenue. And be the most pleasing for the readers. Who doesn’t love conflicting advice on what to eat?

I can get lots of tips from this email that P&G sent me about how to improve my husband’s health. Chock full of tips for people whose husbands are babies who can’t take care of themselves, AND the useful things you can buy to make them healthier.

Don’t worry, none of this will go into effect unless I quit or get fired from the job that pays me well enough to shop somewhere other than Target.

>The Barbie Chronicles

>

If you are not friends with me on facebook, then you do not know about my alter ego, Computer Engineer Barbie. She has lots of adventures. Like, starting longingly out the window on a sunny Saturday while she tries to finish up a 60 hour work bender. Computer Engineer Barbie, or CEB, hasn’t been this tired since she had a 2 day old baby.

>It’s Almost Alice Cooper Time

>The countdown to the end of school is in full swing and we are all singing our favorite song: School’s Out. Last year Luke was a precious first grader, who loved his teacher, so he was very unhappy about blowing the school to pieces, and teacher’s dirty looks. Unfortunately, it’s such a catchy tune, that it’s really hard not to sing the refrain all morning before the last day of school. We tried to modify it a bit, but I can’t remember what we came up with and I am too lazy/multi-taskery to look and see if I blogged about this last year.

But now that Luke is a too cool for school second grader, going on third grader in 5 days, he started the whole thing with a little Alice Cooper sing along before bed. Or maybe I started it. Regardless, I was very interested to hear what he had to say after, “I’ll modify this song so it’s more appropriate for me.”

School’s out for summer.
School’s out for evah!
School’s been blown to pieces.
No more pencils
Lots more books

Sigh. I just love my little bookworm.

On that note, did I mention that I updated the list of books read? (See above re: too lazy to look at yesterday’s post.) Hopefully Luke and I will spend the whole summer reading, if I survive this weekend.

>Where in the World is MetaMegan?

>I am trying to wrest my life back from the cold dead hands of my job. Sometimes I have to work for hours and hours and have no time to blog. Sometimes I stay far away from my laptop to avoid working, and I can’t blog then either. Sometimes I am working and watching TV, and my fave tv character, Leslie Knope, says the following:

“We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter. But work is third.”

It’s all clear to me now.

>Opposite Day

>I recently, and accidentally, told my boss he was the worst in an IM. In the third person. Almost as if I meant to say it to someone else. I ended up apologizing, but before that I worked on a couple excuses for my terrible faux pas. The best thing I could come up with was, “It’s opposite day.”

So I must have had opposites on the brain when we were camping in Moab because Jack and I got into a big discussion about opposite while we hung out waiting for the rest of our crew to be finished mountain biking. He wanted me to do something, maybe his shoe? Momma, do it! And I said something like, “well first I have to undo it. Then I can do it.” He wanted to know what undo meant and I said it was the opposite of do. What does opposite mean? And so on.

So I just started giving him examples, and it went pretty well.
Me: What do you think the opposite of Up is?
Jack: Down
Me: Left?
Jack: Right.
Me: Day?
Jack:Night.
Me: White?
Jack: Soft. (He didn’t get all of them right.)

But the best was when I asked him what the opposite of GOOD was. I was pretty confident he would get it, and I sat back, waiting for him to say bad. But you know what he said, right? He said EVIL.